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Am I Expecting Too Much?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years! I've had trust issues with him ever since he lied to me about taking a picture up a girls skirt that he works with along with a text message at 3am to her. He has lied to me before but never about a girl. That all happened about a year ago yet I still can't seem to let it go. We have been so off and on because I feel as if he just doesn't care anymore. We started arguing which we argue at least once a week and I had told him I needed space. So I left, but about 30 min later I text him and tell him that I want to talk because I hate how we left off! So he wrote back and said he was going to wash his car and I would know where to find him. He didn't text me back for a while then I text him and asked when he wanted to talk so he suggested we meet at a bar. Which by the way drinking is a problem in the relationship because he used to be an alcoholic which was a bad time for us so I'm not too fond of him drinking now. I asked where he was and of course he was at a bar so I told him never mind talking have a great night. I just wish he would have said I'll leave to meet you wherever or at least call to say he's done with his car and we could meet then. Everytime I break it off I'm always the one that calls him and runs back! Why do I doubt myself so much? He really is a great guy and does sweet things for me like cook and open doors but he's not incredibly attentive and like I said there are trust issues. I'm trying to stay strong but I'm also wondering if it this was the right decision. He's my first love. Am I just expecting too much?


Sophie's advice

Your final question was, "Am I just expecting too much?" - the answer is a definite YES. Not only that, but you are expecting too little FOR yourself. When you were younger, did you envision yourself dating
a lying alcoholic who takes pictures up women's SKIRTS?!?!? Let's think about that for a second. Somewhere along the way, you decided it was ok to trade in your self respect, your self esteem and YOURSELF for a relationship with someone you don't even trust - someone who clearly cares only about himself. I've said this before and I'll say it again -
without trust you have NOTHING. He lies to you. That means there's not only something severely wrong with your relationship, but something wrong with him as a person - he's not emotionally healthy. Stop letting him drag you down, stop giving him all the power in your life, and stop making it so EASY for him to do these things!! You're better than this and you deserve more. Are you that afraid of being alone? I know this is your first love - we've all been there and the thought of it ending can be absolutely devastating - but relationships are supposed to make you HAPPY. They are supposed to add to your life, not take away from it. You will find someone else without a doubt - but first you need to find yourself, figure out what makes you happy and become a whole person
so that the next time you get involved with someone you know what the boundaries and limits are, and you're able to recognize a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one. This is an unhealthy one - it's time to move on.

Mark's advice

I think you need a fresh start. You knew I was going to say that, didn't you. All this arguing and mistrust ain't going away anytime soon. You say he's a really great guy and all, but this is your first love and you've nothing to really compare it to. You need to date a few, a couple, geez, even one other person so that you can make a comparison. Then you'll know whether he's a really great guy, or not.

Sometimes people stick in a relationship (no matter how bad it is) because it's safe, and they're afraid they'll end up with someone worse. So they stick it out year after year only to regret it 10 years down the road.

Make the break now. Check out who and what's out there. If, in 6 months, you're still sobbing in your oatmeal, call him up. If you still miss him, he'll probably still miss you. And he certainly won't take you for granted anymore.

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