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Mark and Sophie,

Here is the situation .....

My first week of grade 10 (15 years old) I met a girl and the teacher paired us up as "class buddies" for the year. Someone to call for homework or questions about the class or someone to pick up your homework for you when you missed class.

Surprisingly we hit it off wonderfully, even though we were in two different crowds and two polar opposites as far as personalities go. We started off talking about once a week catching up on work and homework questions. Things rapidly moved to us talking for hours daily on the phone, (rarely in company of friends or at school). We would go through bouts of not speaking whenever one of us was in a realtionship and as soon as one of us fell out of a realtionship, shortly thereafter the other did too. We always ended up falling back into the same routine of hours on the phone everynight before bed.

Here is 9 years later (24 now) and we are still doing all the same things. We tell eachother often that we love each other and she constantly tells me how I am the only person in her life that has always been there for her.

Here's the problem - I broke up with my gf about 6 months ago and now she is on the verge of breaking up with her bf, I suspect only cause we are talking too much. I have been in love with her for 9 years and would go to the moon and back for her, and she knows it.

So am I just a transition friend from bf to bf for her or is there something there that I should act on given the next opportunity?

Please advise
Lost without her

Mark's advice

Okay, Lost without her.
Can you come a little closer, so I can smack you one. Of course you should go for it. Duh, like you have the perfect relationship staring at you in the face. The pair of you have been around the block with other relationships,sewn your wild oats, and you're still drawn back to each other. It may be a bit early to be talking marriage, but she is obviously the one, whether she knows it or not. I don't need to tell you what to say. Just tell her exactly what you told us. And live happily ever after and all that crap. Now go and tell her. Don't make me come over there.

Sophie's advice

Dear Lost,
It seems you are caught in that confusingly cloudy realm I like to call "Love Limbo". You are afraid to make a move for fear of losing her altogether, so you
choose to suffer in silence, hoping one day... well - hoping for what exactly? Are you hoping she will turn to you one day (after nine years - NINE YEARS!) and say you are the one? It sounds to me like you may already suspect she's not interested in you in "that way" and want to continue keeping your head in the sand, OR you're just plain scared to communicate your feelings for fear of changing the relationship and opening yourself up to possible rejection. Have you ever had a conversation with her about your feelings for her? I guarantee that if after 9 years this has not happened spontaneously, it will never happen without one of you initiating it.
So, you have two choices:
1. Don't say anything and let this continue for another nine years.
2. Ask her if she thinks there is a chance something could happen between you. Be prepared that she may say "No, our friendship means too much etc.", in which case you will have to accept this and let your heart move on. You will, in all likelihood, need to create some space between the two of you for this to actually happen - meaning no more phone marathons until you are over her. Things will change in your relationship, regardless of the outcome.

There is no way I can predict where her heart is at, but as a woman, I guarantee if you cannot muster up the courage to speak your mind and take a risk, you will ALWAYS fall into the "best buds" category.

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I don't know you and I don't know her but I can tell you exactly how she will react if you tell her what you posted here. Man, she is not into you! As soon as you aknowledge that you will become free and regain your self confidence. Don't call her anymore. If she calls don't answer the phone. Let it be a lesson for you and move on.


I'm really good friends with a guy at work, and am so totally "smitten" with him it isn't even funny. If he gave me any indication that he was interested, I'd be all over him. Ok, first he'd have to dump that pesky wife. But the point is, women can play it the way they think they need to as long as they need to, to keep somone in their life in whatever context they can. Obviously, he just isn't that in to me. You win some, and you lose some.


I agree with the comment posted by "Man" and would add that if there was anything there it would have happened a long time ago. To her you are no more then a good friend who has a sympathetic ear. Accept being just friends "kind of like a big brother". How nice of you.


Take the advice from someone who has been there already -- ask her. I finally pulled up the courage to ask a friend of mine that I have known since primary school if she thought we could become more than just friends. In my case, she said that had I asked her ten years earlier (while we were both in university), she would have said yes. So learn from my experience: Ask her! There is no reason to spend years dreaming of a life together when you could actually be living them.