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Can I win her back?

My girlfriend dumped me about 4 months ago, we were together for 2 yrs. Recently she got in contact with me and asked me to go out for a coffee with her, I said Yes. We meet up this Monday. Went for coffee and couple drinks, we did not talk much about relationship just pretty much about life and some other stuff. We spent like 4 hours together and she was nice to me and receptive I would say we had good time. At the end I walked with her to train station where we spent another half an hour talking, she missed 2 trains. We talked about relationship and I told her how much she means to me and etc.. We hug each other for a some time, she got close to me, it felt really nice. At the end I kind of asked her so what's going on, she said that she likes this and maybe would want to be together. But couple minutes later she said, I"m not sure if I can commit and that I'm all over the map not sure about my life, and that she does not want to put my hopes up at this moment and that she could wake up next morning thinking totally different, so confusing. So the third train came by, and she had to run, at that moment she gave me a quick kiss on my neck and a hug. So we did not resolve anything, and I did not want to push her as well, there is no point unless she really wants to get back together. Also, I asked her if I could take the train and walk her back to her apartment as for safety reasons, she declined that offer. Once I got home I called her to make sure she got home safely. She was nice on the phone and etc, but it was a short conversation. So we did not talk since then and it's Thursday night. I was thinking of calling her tonight, but I talked to few friends and they think that I should not, it will only show desperation and might just set her back. They think I should wait for her to call, but I think if I do not call her she might think I do not care or whatever. someone suggest that I should send her an e-mail sometime on Sunday night and just say that I had good time w/her, it was good seeing her and maybe propose and night out. But I have no clue what she wants or stands w/me right now, and I do not want to ask her too many questions as well. Maybe her not contacting me at all, means that she does not want to do anything w/me. Or maybe she is playing a game, or just deciding on things.

What do you think I should? Is there a chance to win her and how? I need a good strategy. thank you




Mark's advice

You know, It almost seems like you know exactly what to do. I think you're pretty close to the mark. I think she really does have feelings for you. I'm not sure if the resistance is because she still wants to sew her wild oats, or because there's something about you that's holding her back. You haven't mentioned age, but if she's under 25, my money's on the wild oats. If it's not the toasted oats thing, she could be shying away because you're too serious. Look back at the last 2 years and decide who was pushing the relationship. Which one of you might have suggested living together? Which one of you was more jealous? Who said "I love you" first? Who calls who most?

If you don't think it's that, maybe there's something else that's bugging her. Maybe you're a street artist with limited career opportunities. Maybe your living quarters look like a recycling depot. Maybe Johnny Walker is your best buddy. I don't know. You have to look at your life and see if anything is pointing her in another direction.

Anywho, your friends advice is good. Drop her off a short and sweet e-mail. Don't call (unless she asks you to), and be patient. If she does start seeing you again, take it SLOW.

Sophie's advice

It sounds like your ex is indeed a bit confused. Sometimes, when you leave a relationship you are left with an emptiness and if you do not work through that you can become increasingly confused as to whether you made the right decision to leave, you might think back to all the good things (especially if you have not found someone else to fill the void you may now feel) and start to forget the "bad" things. In this case, I believe the best thing to do is not to play games, but to lay back a little. She is the one who ended it and in this case she should be the one to decide if she wants back in and if you lay back, you have a better chance of that happening then if she knows you are eagerly awaiting her return. I would try to not call her, hard as that may be. Have in mind to move on, go on some dates and continue with your life as you have been.




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I've been in the exact same situation, and unfortunately it is totally over, and you are being a dweeb. You'll see that later. You are like a toy, and her fool, although she'd never admit it. Sucking up to her and then lying to yourself about it("I asked her if I could take the train and walk her back to her apartment as for safety reasons") is only bringing the situation more to a close quicker- but more painful for you. Luckily there is nothing you can do about this, and will most likely explode in order to bring closure and ending for yourself-because you will soon become annoying to her, and will ignore all of her subtle and not-so-subtle hints that it's REALLY over. Anyway pal, I am with you, and totally understand. I've been there for the past 2 years, and haven't spoken with her since her quicky 'parental-appeasing' marriage to a total stranger. s.

been there, done that