Am I a Masochist?
Dear Mark and Sophie,
I'm sure many other women have experienced similar situations. I met this guy 6 months ago through online dating. He's 41-year-old, never married, well traveled, accomplished, intimidatingly smart and informed. He's my intellectual touchstone. I describe him as inherently nomadic and mentally unavailable, as he's actively involved with all these big international projects, one day he's in Africa, and the next he'd be in South East Asia. You could never get him! I think he enjoys that.
I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm addicted to the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable, or the fact that he has reached my highest expectations everywhere else, I'm incredibly patient and compassionate about him. Between the two of us, I'm always the one taking the initiatives getting in touch, whereas he, this "big important guy", never really seems to care either-or.
It couldn't be clearer to me, or to anyone who heard this story, what I should do. Stop torturing yourself and find someone that treasures you and loves you more than you love him! I don't know if I could. I don't know how to stop caring about him, and how not to break down in tears when I think about him, or more accurately, not having him. I even tried seeing others but he's the one that really matters.
What do you think? Maybe there is no cure and I just have to follow my feelings?
A masochist