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How can I get him to take notice of me and ask me out?

I am a 59 yr. old widow. I reunited with a guy that I went to High School with, last year. He came to see me, June 2006, and I never saw him again. He e-mails me everyday, no matter where he may be. He's divorced, was married for 37 yrs, has 2 daughters, and 3 grandchildren. His daughter lives 5 minutes away from me, he comes down here often, and yet, he never makes any attempts to see me. I have left clues, and he never responds to them. I ask him to come for the evening, just to get together, as friends, no response. He never gave me any reason, just ignores my questions. I know that he cares for me, but I think that he's afraid to make any moves. How can I get him to take notice of me, and ask me out???


Sophie's advice

Hi Barb,
It sounds like even though this man might care for you, he is not interested in a romantic relationship. However, perhaps he is indeed afraid to make the moves and in that case, I would suggest making the move yourself.

You come from a generation where it was not the norm to ask the man out, but it doesn't hurt to take charge of the situation and to find out the truth once and for all. This way you can either move on to find someone who is interested in a romantic relationship, or you start your romantic relationship with him. Life is too short to sit and wait.

And I would be very clear about it. None of this asking him to "come for the evening, just to get together, as friends". Take a deep breath, call him (if you have his number) and say "Bob (or whatever his name might be), I have been thinking about you and I am unsure if the feeling is mutual, but I wanted to let you know where I stand. I like you and I am interested and would like to go on a date with you. Is this something that is of interest to you? If not, just let me know, then I can stop the thoughts I have been having about you".

Ahh, I know, sounds just terribly scary doesn't it? But you really have nothing to lose. If he says no, he will likely respect you because you put it out there, and if he says yes, he will be excited by your passion and honesty.

Mark's advice

Well Barb, this is awkward, isn't it. I think I know what's going on here. This may sound harsh, but I think it's close to the mark. Stay with me on this one, and you'll see where I'm going with it.

I've got this high school re-union coming up and it's been awhile since I was there, (back in the day when s ruled and the only thing Honda was selling was motorcycles).

So I'm picturing the girls I dated, (and all the ones I wish I had dated) showing up looking pretty much the way I last saw them. Now you know that ain't going to happen. A few may have been able to hold onto their youth, but most will be a whole lot older and look a whole lot different. (I probably fall into that second category myself).

So you get in contact with this guy who probably hasn't seen you since high school, and when he comes to see you, and you're not the same person as you were a few decades ago, he bolts. Sure, he still likes e-mailing you, because he now considers you as one of his high school buddies, but he was probably hoping for a relationship with who you were 30 years ago. Not who you are now.

He's been married for 37 years, so chances are he got hitched right out of high school. Except for his wife, you're probably his first hook-up with anyone from his old school. I guess maybe he's forgotten that he's 30 years older too, and that the next woman he meets from his past may be disappointed when she meets him.

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