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How can I get over my fear of talking to girls I am attracted to?

Hi, I need advice. I'm an extrovert, exceptionally good at starting conversations and filling in vacuums at social gatherings. I have more female friends than male friends and have no problem speaking with girls. But I still sweat and freeze-up at the thought of speaking to a girl I am deeply attracted to. I perceive them as being out of my reach. So instead I have always entered into relationships with girls who have pursued me, but these relationships are never satisfying and I suffer from heartache.


Sophie's advice

Dear Heartache,
You must know by now this problem lies within. The fact that you would consider someone "out of your reach" tells me you may have some deep-seeded issues regarding self-confidence. You must ask yourself where this is coming from, as your fear of rejection seems to be taking over in the moments when you really need to be asserting yourself and showing that you ARE confident, you ARE a great person, and you ARE worthy of not only talking with someone you're attracted to, but of a possible relationship as well. You're psyching yourself out - and for what? You're creating a scenario for rejection by freezing up before the rejection ever happens, and this ensures you won't get the response you want or deserve - it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Next time, before you approach someone you're interested in, try giving yourself a pep-talk. Tell yourself that the freeze-up is just downright silly and is coming from a deep-rooted issue (perhaps something from your adolescence - can you trace back to what that might be?) that has no place in you anymore. And remember - practice makes perfect. Keep plugging away, and force yourself to talk to women you're attracted to. Eventually it will become easier.

Mark's advice

Okay, I'm assuming you're a guy, although you never mention it. You could be a girl. In any case my advice would be the same.
Are you insane?.
Do you know how hard it is to start conversations and how lucky you are to be an extrovert? Most of us are too scared to start something because we're afraid (or used to in my case) of being shot down.
You've got to look at women you are attracted to, the same as you look at women you're not. They are all the same on the inside. It just happens that some have a nicer wrapper. Remember, you're talking to their brain, not the their beautiful, silky smooth skin glistening with a light hint of body spray as they gyrate across the dance floor Okay, stop. Now you have me thinking like that.
Look bud. Good looking girls get lonely, self-conscience and desperate too. You are not talking to their chest, (or at least you shouldn't be). You're talking to their insides, and they're all the same in the inside.

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