Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

How can I tell if he is serious?

I met someone great 6 months ago. One month ago we started dating and became close very quickly. We've been out 3 times only (early days), he prefers to come by and watch TV, and is over every second night and calls me religiously every night.

I've met his sister and 2 close friends. He is kind and thoughtful, funny and smart. We have much in common. My question is this - how can I tell if he is serious or just using me as a "pit stop" before he goes home at night?

Why oh why has he stopped at 3 dates.... when I know he loves to dance and get out to moves, etc. Yet the invitations never come?

I'm confused and don't know what to do. It is too early in our relationship to say anything (I think) or ask questions about his past (is it?). He has never been married. I have 2 girls. By the way, he loves kids.

Thanks for any advice.

Mark's advice

Well, I'm confused too.
Are you having sex during these pit stops?
Is there kissing and necking and all of that mushy stuff?
Or is he coming over for food and the tube?
It sounds to me like you two are friends and that's it.
(Especially if there's no mushy stuff).

And "No", 6 months is not too early to be asking questions.
The first question I'd ask is, "Are we just friends, or would you like to see this thing go further? Yes or no."

What worries me at this point is, that maybe, he's of those guys who feels that 3 times out is enough and that sitting in front of the TV night after night while you feed him for the rest of your days is a good relationship.
Let's hope that's not the case.

Either you're just part of the pit crew or he's too shy
to get it in gear.
You have to ask!!!

Sophie's advice

Dear confused,
It is not too early to voice your concerns in this relationship, and it's never too early for healthy communication between partners.
That doesn't mean you have to ask him if he plans on marrying you, but why not say something like, "I had a lot of fun when we went out on our dates and would like to do that again with you - what do you think?" See what he says and go from there - if he agrees, then there's no problem right? If he makes excuses, then there's obviously something you need to get to the bottom of. The bottom line is, stand up for yourself and remember you are the main role model for your two girls - they need to see a strong mother, not someone who tiptoes around a man for fear that he will leave her.

Add comment