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How Do I Break It Off?

Hello, I have a serious problem I think. I have been dating my girlfriend
for 2 years. When I first met her I did not realize that she was into
drugs.( injecting hydromorphine into herself) In the last year we have not
seen each other very often due to her drug use. I have made attempts to
break off with her with no success. She keeps showing up I have even tried
getting a restraining order on her but that to has failed. I can't move due to my career, I have recently met someone else who is everything that she is not. I'm afraid that she will cause me undue hardship with my new friend. What can I do?

Hungry For Love



Erin's advice

It's interesting that you are still referring to her as your "girlfriend", even though you say you've tried to break it off with her, and that you're interested in someone else. This tells me that you have not actually done everything possible to distance yourself from her, that she may be getting mixed signals from you, and that perhaps even you are confused about your feelings for her.

It's extremely difficult to have a real relationship with an addict; you find yourself loving their good parts, and despising their drug addicted parts. The thing is, you cannot separate someone from their addiction, it is all encompassing, and it permeates every part of their life and personality. You think, if only they would stop this, and see the true person they are - things would be so much better. This is where enabling comes in, when we try to love and support that person by doing nice things for them, or treating them with exception, when in reality, what we're doing is making it easier for them to do drugs.

In order for you to truly break things off with her, you must cease all communication. Block her number from your phone. If she comes to your house, don't answer the door! Do not engage with her whatsoever - you're only making things worse by doing so. And even though it may seem cruel or unkind to do these things, you have to lay down boundaries, which will be just as good for her as for you. Drug addicts are constantly on the lookout for people who will help them feed their addiction in whatever way. If she comes to your house, and bangs on the door, call the police. Sooner or later, she'll get the picture, but only if you step it up and stick to your guns. It's not your job to save her, but you can help her by letting her know you're not interested in hanging out with an addict.



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