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How do I close the deal?

Hi
I met a girl two years ago and I knew immediately that I wanted to be with her, possibly forever. She must have felt similarly because after just a few minutes talking she asked me if I was married. We were both in relationships at the time but soon became good friends. Just over a year later, when we weren't in relationships anymore, she told me that she wanted to marry me so we started dating. After about 6 months though our relationship started going sour (because I was too demanding of more attention from her and too eager to please) and 2 months later she ended it. Almost immediately I wrote her a long letter, apologising for my behaviour (the demanding bit) and promising that I would never do it again with her or anyone else. I wished her all the happiness in the world for the future. We had a plan to go to the countryside for a wine festival the next week and kept to it. We had a wonderful time, just like a new loving couple. She hugged me all the way home and kissed me when we parted. A week or so later we met to celebrate her birthday and she told me how wonderful I am, how she misses my cooking, how she wants to do things together, including going back to the festival next year. So I wrote to her and invited her out on xmas eve (which is like valentine's day in Japan), she took 5 days to respond to say she had decided to stay at home with her family. I replied, no big deal I've already made other plans. The next day, she then messaged me telling just how busy she was (including working on xmas day) which I took to mean I shouldn't read anything into her decision to stay home. Our communication has been very friendly and light and she has been using cutesy names for me. Last week we met again for a movie and lunch. She seemed disappointed that I had plans for the evening. She invitied me to meet her family (we broke up when I asked her if I could) when I return from my business trip at the end of the month and we held hands and kissed before going to our separate evening appointments (hers for class and mine for dinner with a friend). She texted me to wish me a happy new year just after midnight (she is obligated to spend New Years with her family as she's Japanese). So on the surface everything seems to be back on track... for now I know I have to be patient. I've spent so much time working on myself and I know she's seen the changes. What else do I have to do to close the deal?




Mark's advice

Okay, what do you mean by "to demanding"?
Are we talking sex? Are you letting your turkey-stuffer do the thinking for you? Hey, it's okay. I seem to be perpetually horny myself. Most men in a relationship want sex more than the woman. You just have to be patient. Here's a good trick. If you just had sex the night before, and you know she's going to be too tired to be your personal porn star tonight, there's no harm in have a quick date with the palm sisters before hand. Hey, we've all done it.

Or are you just too demanding overall. Now that's a bad habit to get into. If you don't like someone being too demanding on you, than chances are, she does not like you being too demanding on her either.

Lately, you sound like you're heading in the right direction, but there is no such thing as closing the deal. Always be aware, she can break the "deal" at anytime, even after marriage, so always keep your demands (whatever they may be) in check.

Sophie's advice

I would really recommend that you keep doing what you're doing. Allow her to continue seeing the changes you've made within yourself, afterall, actions do speak louder than words. It sounds like she does have a vested interest in you, and I think you'll be able to see where she is at as some more time passes. If you find you are still not sure where she is at, then talk to her about it and express where your heart is at. Until then, be patient.




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