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How Do I Save Our Friendship?

Ok so me and this kid Jack have been best friends for about a year now and we use to have a thing for each other and liked each other. Things didn't work out but we still remained best friends and he has a girlfriend now. Me and her are complete enemies, she's jealous that we hangout and stuff and she's always starting with me and it's tearing him up inside. I tried to remain calm with her, but it's hard. And in a way I kind of think he still likes me and I know I still like him but, I'm more concerned about saving our friendship more than anything.


Sophie's advice

This is a complicated situation. I could say that the girlfriend is overreacting and has no right to say anything about who Jack's friends are, but in reality, her jealousy isn't completely out of left field, is it? You say you still have feelings for Jack and that you think he still has feelings for you - it sounds to me like the girlfriend is picking up on all of this and it's making her very feel very insecure about her relationship. It doesn't give her the right to pick fights with you, but that's probably where she's coming from. Maybe you and Jack have unfinished business you need to deal with - have you tried talking to him about all this? What would happen if you told him you still have feelings for him? If your friendship is more important to you and you think you should just remain friends, then perhaps you need to sit down with the girlfriend and clear the air. Tell her you're not after her boyfriend and that you don't mean to cause any stress. Suggest that the three of you (or invite a fourth person) hang out some time so you can learn to co-exist. Otherwise this situation is going to come to a head where Jack is forced to choose between you. He also needs to do his part in calming her down and helping her feel secure in their relationship...if this relationship is what he truly wants. Figure out what you want out of this and talk it out, it's the only way.

Mark's advice

Well, Jessica,
If you two are just friends, then she really has nothing to worry about. Tell her: "If he wanted to be with me, he'd be with me, but since he's with you, he must want to be with you. We're not sleeping together, we're not running around behind your behind, we're just hanging and shootin' the shit. You're his number one, and I'm just one of his buds." If she can't accept that, then maybe she needs some help; (some help turning her eye-balls inside out so she can see what jealousy looks like from the inside). Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?

On the other hand......... Does she have something to be jealous of? It sounds to me like there might still be something there. If that's the case, I take it all back. Maybe the both of you need to decide who he's happiest around. You or his girlfriend? Ask him, if he could only have sex once in his whole life, would it be with you or his girlfriend? [If you're not having sex yet, the "stranded-on-a-deserted-island-with-only- one-person" example works too.] That should give you the answer as to whom he should be dating, and who should be backing off a little.

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