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I Left Home and My Mother Won't Forgive Me

Hello I'm in need of some help. I'm a 17 year old female who left home a couple months ago and left behind my baby siblings. As much as I would love to continue to be a part of their lives my mother refuses to let me, telling me that I am dead to her and to the children. I continue to try and make contact with the children buying them their birthday gifts and Christmas presents but I fear that they will never know who i really am. My fiance and I do to get married this fall and I would really like my siblings to be a part of it but I don't know if my mother will let them or if they will really know whose getting married. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Please let me know.

What Can I Do?




Wendy's advice

Not knowing the whole situation, I can only assume the problem with your mother stems from your decision to leave home and get married. Whatever the problem is, you and your mother need to find a way to patch things up if you'd like to have a relationship with your siblings. As their mother, it is her decision who she wants them to see until they are at an age where they can make their own decision. I suggest trying to meet with your mother in a neutral place, like a coffee shop or restaurant, where the situation can be discussed reasonably and without it escalating into a scene. I'd also suggest you attend some kind of family counselling with her. It can help to have an unbiased third party help you sort through your problems. If she refuses to be reasonable and has really written you off, is there another adult family member who can speak to her on your behalf?
On a separate note, I do feel compelled to address the issue of you getting married at 17. I received a very excellent piece of advice from a family member who was also married at 17 (and later divorced). Make sure you know yourself before you marry someone else. Only when you know yourself very well can you know if marriage is something you can spend a lifetime working at, and if the person you've chosen to marry is someone you can spend a lifetime living with. Very few 17 year-olds have that kind of knowledge of themselves, and this is why many marriages that start that young do not survive. If you are looking for a stable home life because your relationship with your mother is strained, getting married at 17 is not the way to do it. Good luck.




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