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I Miss Her

Please can you help ? My girlfriend of 14 years has left for the 3rd time but this time there is another man involved who I don't know or have seen. We have 2 boys who have been split apart one with her and one with me. Please please can you help it is so hard, I really don't know what to do my son is so heartbroken as am I.

Mark's advice

Hold on there bud.
I think this is a little too serious to be asking for help from a dating service advice column. Especially when kids are involved. If your girlfriend has left 3 times, either she's really unhappy or hard to please, or there's something really wrong with the relationship. Anyway you look at it, it doesn't look good. If you've been in this relationship for 14 years, I've got to ask the question...What are you doing looking for help on a dating service website in the first place. Have "MARK & SOPHIE" become that popular that even people not using a dating service know all about us? If so, I'm asking for a raise! Hey, I like being asked for my advice, but you shouldn't be using a dating service if you're in a 14 year relationship. (Unless you have one of those open relationships I keep hearing about....if so, lucky you). If not....I've got another question. After 14 years, whose idea is it "not" to get married? If it's yours, is she leaving because, after 14 years, you still don't want that commitment? I'm just asking. Other than screaming for help, I know nothing about this relationship. All I know is there are a lot of un-answered questions.

Sophie's advice

It sounds like you are going through a hard time right now. Things WILL get better. After 3 break ups, and with another man in the picture, you are only left to pick up the pieces for yourself and even more so for your sons. I am sure you both tried to work things out at different times, but it didn't end up working out. This is a time where you have to show your boys that their father is someone who can pick up the pieces and deal with things in the best manner possible. This is a time where you can teach them that life WILL bring hard times, and how to get through those times with dignity and respect. They are going through a hard time too and they need someone with whom they can feel it will all be alright. They need you to be strong and you have to be that for them. Do NOT make them your confidante and talk to them about the personal details of your relationship. PLEASE! Only explain to them that sometimes people try to work things out but can't, but that this does not mean that they don't love them and that does not mean that all parties are not going to be alright.

Now for you, it does NOT matter who the other man is. The fact is there is someone else, and you need to take care of yourself. Take some time to feel the pain and then start a plan on how you will proceed from here. Get some books about how to deal with a breakup and how to move on from it and lead a happy life. Talk to friends who have a solid head on their shoulders and spend some time doing things you (used to) love. Talk to a counselor. Take time to heal and remember that the pain will ease with time and with your work to move forward.

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