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If She Still Has Feelings for Him Then We Have a Problem...

I've been married to my college sweetheart, "Mariah," for six months. We have our differences, but we always work them out, it seems. However, I am in a bind over one issue. She introduced her best friend from high school, "Candice," to her ex-boyfriend, "Adam." She says she didn't expect anything to happen, but Adam and Candice are a couple now, and Mariah is furious. She says that Candice shouldn't go out with Adam because Adam is her ex (they dated for less than six months in high school.) She's told me about the odd circumstances under which they broke up and how they might even be together today if not for that. She swears to me that she has no unresolved feelings for Adam, but she continues to be upset at both him and Candice. She says she just wishes to be happy and feel the way she did when she and I first started dating, and she hates how Candice describes their relationship. Mariah and Candice speak to each other off and on, exchanging heated words through IM, and their most recent exchange somehow ended up with a (date TBD) double-date between me, Mariah, Adam, and Candice. Is she behaving in such a way that indicates that she really doesn't have feelings for Adam, or are we on the fast track to heartbreak? We just bought a house together, so I am inclined to believe she wants to be with me, but if she still has feelings for Adam, then we have a problem.

Newlywed Asking for Marital Education




Wendy's advice

You have one of two problems here: either your wife still has feelings for her ex, or she has very high expectations of her friends and sees this as a betrayal. Not knowing her, I can't say for sure which it is, but because she married you, bought a house with you and assures you it isn't the former, I'm going to assume this problem is one between her and her friend. In this case, she is really the only one who can fix this problem. She can either choose to accept the fact that her friend and her ex are together and not take it as an act of disloyalty against her and put all this behind her, or she can walk away from the friendship and refuse to spend any more energy on this. I'd discuss it with her, tell her the situation's bothering you and that you need her to do one of these things because in the end, she is the only one suffering here. If she chooses to hang on to the anger even after you've told her how you feel, there's not a lot you can do, but if this happens I'd be worried that this situation is not just about her anger at her friend. And if that's the case, you should seek counselling as a couple to resolve this.




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