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I'm Shy With New People

Hi Mark and Sophie, I rarely date. I'm shy with new people. I don't know how to get started, what to do etc. I've been too busy raising kids for 20 years. Now that we're all grown up and mom is still young, it's time to get out there and meet people. I don't have a "single" circle of friends to socialize with and all I do is work and go home. A friend told me about your site and here I am. I am very nervous with new people. I don't know how to break down the shyness and I'm frightened that I don't know what to say to a guy - one on one etc. Hope you can provide useful suggestions.

Thanks, Sophia

Mark's advice

Well Miss Young & Bashful,

You've probably come to the right place. Now I'm married, so I'm not a member of 25DATES.COM, but I am bashful. (well, a little anyway). I do not like breaking the ice. I can't go into a bar and just strike up a conversation with someone. No way. That's the cool thing about on-line dating services. The ice is broken for you. You just pick and choose who you want to talk to. The other cool thing is that you can be up front with how fast and how far you want to go with someone. It doesn't matter whether you use 25DATES.COM, or some other online dating service. It's the easiest (and probably the cheapest) way to meet people. And you wouldn't believe how many 30's and 40's singles are actually out there. My God, they're everywhere.
You'll have fun.

Sophie's advice

Dear Sophia,

You have come to the right place! Speed dating events are a great way to get you out there and meet new people, as well as brush up on your skills. Everyone is there to meet people, so generally people are open and friendly. You only spend 3 to 5 minutes with each person, enough time to ask them some questions, and to answer some of theirs. Not only will practice make perfect, but you will be real proud and confident about having faced your fears. In addition, how about taking some classes about something that interests you? You will meet other people there and though not all will be single, they may have single friends and it is good to practice to communicate as well as nurture your interests regardless. Or go on a singles adventure! Read a few books on how to most effectively communicate, try different things out, and be your own best cheerleader.

Maybe you are placing too much emphasis on what someone may think of you. Though everyone does want to be valued and liked and respected, if someone does not, this does not necessarily mean it is a reflection of you. It could very well be a reflection of them. And if you do run out of words to say sometimes, so be it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember, when you are feeling shy, that those you are communicating with are people just like you, with their own insecurities and their own dreams and their own stories.

Be proud of who you are, and be generous with who you are. Don't let your shyness stifle you from getting all that life has to offer. What a waste that would be.

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