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Is There Anything I Can Do To Win This Girl Back?

Ok here is the deal... I met a woman 4 years ago I was 41 she was 33, we lived in different states about 980 miles away. The first time I laid eyes on her I was hooked. We dated for a few months than she moved out to be with me. She told me I was her needle in her hay stack and the best guy she ever dated...I treated her very well I thought every thing was going great. We were together for 2 years and planning on getting married. I have 2 kids from my previous marriage, she had none. One day she told me she was not happy and wanted to go home for a month. I told her to go home see her family and when she got back we would talk about it. I must tell you I treated this woman like gold. I was very much in love with her. I have a very successful business, I am good looking guy, and told a great guy and have no problem meeting woman. I was crushed when this girl left me I have never had such strong feelings with anyone like I did with her. I felt we were soul mates. I couldn't wait to walk this woman down the aisle and spend the rest of my life with her. Well she never came back. She told me that she had a hard time dealing with my kids however she loved me very much. She said love does not conquer all. I told her I understood hoping she would change her mind. Ok that was about a year and half ago and I can't get her out of my head. I really loved this girl and I think about her so much. I really miss her. I have tried to contact her via email and phone but she won't return either one. Her friends tell me that she has bought a home with someone and is living with him. They are not engaged or married. I know I should move on but it felt so right. Is there anything I could do to win this girl back? I know there are alot of fish in the sea but I'm really in love with this particular fish.

Hopeless in CT

Sophie's advice

Dear Hopeless;
You do sound like a great guy. The problem is, your ex-girlfriend (with an emphasis on the "ex"), doesn't feel the same way about you that she once did.

Let me lay it out for you. You had no idea she was unhappy. She was unhappy to the point where she left and didn't return. This speaks volumes; either you were idealizing this relationship into a fairytale that didn't exist, or she was lying to you about where she stood, or perhaps both? Somewhere along the way, there was a disconnect and a big breakdown of communication. In an open and honest relationship, you don't, without any warning, say you are unhappy and move away for a month. This situation obviously had been building up in her mind for awhile and if you look back honestly, you will probably remember signs that pointed to things not being completely copasetic. Who knows if the fact that you have kids is the reason she left the relationship - it could have been a combination of things including that as well as being afraid of the ultimate commitment, not wanting to be away from her family etc.

The bottom line is, she's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you anymore - in fact she's IN another relationship. The fact that you never really got closure is probably what's really making you unable to move on. She won't return your calls or emails, so you have to resign yourself to the fact that you're probably not going to get closure from her, but you MUST move on. You have been in limbo for a year and a half, not letting it go and now you're stuck. You don't want to start over again, or you think you'll never find someone as good as her - well guess what? She LEFT you for her own reasons, and that means she's not the proverbial "one". You have made her into a person who doesn't exist, put her on a pedestal, and all the while she's living with someone else. Don't you deserve someone who wants you just as much as you want them? Get out there and start dating - you're single and she's not the one for you.

Mark's advice

Hey Hopeless
You seem like a nice guy from this end, and I hate to be the one to tell I'll just let Sophie tell you.
Go ahead Sophie, tell him.


Okay, okay, I'll break the bad news.
Dude. It is over. And I mean O.V.E.R.

Let's say I come up to you and say,
Hey there. My girlfriend left me to go back
to her parents. I haven't seen her for a year and
a half. She is now living with another guy, a thousand
miles away. She won't return me calls or e-mails.
Do you think I stand a chance getting her back?

What would you tell me?
The fact that she actually bought a house with
another guy means it's permanant.

I'm sorry bud, but it's hopeless.

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