Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

Must I Leave Him to Wake Him Up?

I've been with my boyfriend exclusively for 15 months. He is 48 and never been married. He told me recently he does NOT know how he feels about me, nor, what he wants. Yet he does not stop calling me and is over every night for a short visit, and sometimes he stays over. He is affectionate and sweet with me. I would like to build a life with him.... what am I doing wrong? Why can't he tell me he loves me? I believe he does. Why can't he just propose so we can put our 2 separate lives into 1? We are looking after 2 homes. I don't understand why he is still indicating interest, if indeed he is not? By the way, I am recently divorced with 2 girls. I have never leaned on him financially and truly love him. Must I leave him to "wake him up"?

Don't Understand

Sophie's advice

It sounds like your boyfriend has commitment issues. You say he is 48 and never been married... Although it is becoming more and more normal for people to either marry late or not at all, this could be a warning sign. What is his past history with long-term relationships - has he had many? Why have they ended - have you discussed any of this with him? The fact that he says he does not know how he feels about you after 15 months, is another indication that he is frightened of commitment.
If you are allowing this man into your bed, and your relationship is revolving around his schedule, what he wants to do, and only his needs,
why wouldn't he keep coming around? You have made it easy for him to take you for granted. The question is, are YOU getting what you need out of this relationship? If a long-term commitment is what you're looking for, why are you with someone who won't commit? You also say you are recently divorced - why are you so quick to enter into another marriage? It sounds like you're not looking after your needs which must come first. You may very well need to cool things off until your boyfriend gets his head together and figures out what he wants. In the meantime, put your own life into perspective and make sure you're getting what you truly want and need.

Mark's advice

Geez, I think you hit the nail right on the head. (Or was that, you should nail him right in the head). This guy's 48 and never been married, never had to make a big commitment, never really had to open up. Yah, I say leave him. Dump his sorry ass. Tell him, I love you, but I think I'm looking for something different. Maybe we should both see other people for a while and see how that works out. There's his wake up call. If that doesn't get him in a panic, then he probably didn't love you in the first place. Now, if he says he's fine with that, but still wants to come over at nights, tell him he can't because you're
expecting company. If this guy is still single at 48, there is a good chance he'll be 88 and still single, unless someone rattles his chain.

Add comment