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My girlfriend's in Canada and confused - what can I do?

Hello, I have a girl friend who went to Canada to study there. before she left, we made promises that we would never cheat on each other and we'll wait for each other because I'd be following her next year. Well on her second week there in Canada, when I think things would be ok. but since she's new in Canada, she doesn't have friends and misses me so much she's getting lonely... one day, there was this "cute, tall, buff" rugby guy (she told me in yahoo messenger) who offered her friendship. at first I was jealous, but then when I think it for the 2nd time... I think its fair... and so I said why not... and so they became friends... and in line with his invitation, I wanted them both to hang out. For me, I thought hang out means, hang out during lunch then do nothing.but it seems that in Canada it means date. (I'm not sure but it turned out to be). So with out knowing that, and with her parents' permission, I said again why not... then I made her promise that she'll turn him off right away. Then she said "Yes, don't be sad, I'll love you always remember that". Then next day came, and so they had their hang out... well things went wrong because this rugby guy, reminds her of me. so she's liking this guy. until now, she's being true and honest with me, but I'm getting hurt and jealous. now she's confused and all. I want to know what should I do because we're just counting months till we meet again. What can advice can you give me?

Sput




Sophie's advice

Dear Sput;
The only way a long distance relationship can survive (and it's pretty rare that it does), is with complete trust between both parties.
It sounds like your girlfriend started out with good intentions; she told you about the rugby guy (although telling you he was "cute, tall & buff" sounds more like she was talking to a girlfriend than her boyfriend) and didn't try to hide anything, which indicates her intentions were good. The frustrating thing is that you really have no control over the situation (that's where the trust thing comes in) and it looks like she's now not as sure about you and your future as you are. She's in a new country, the culture is different, the people are different, and if she's in Canada studying, she's probably young and doesn't have a lot of life experience. All this new stuff is exciting - and confusing. My only advice to you is that you have to keep the lines of communication completely open, and try not to judge her even though it may be excruciating. It very well may be that she needs to explore all these new things and people - and you can either cut her off or allow her to do this, without knowing if she'll come back to you. In the meantime, you need to take this chance to grow yourself; really figure out who you are and what you want out of life and focus on YOU. Try to look at this as an opportunity for growth, even though you're hurt and it's hard. If your love is real and meant to be, this will work out, but you just can't force what has already changed.

Mark's advice

Well Sput.

Did you making up that name, or did your parents play a joke on you
when you were little? If you tell me your middle name is Nick, then I definitely know you're pulling my leg.

Okay Sput, first rule of thumb when heading off to college. DON'T MAKE ANY PROMISES. Do you know how many times I've heard this same scenario?
Hundreds of times, Thousands of times, Millions ...well a lot anyway.

Girl & guy make promise, 'll love you foreverĀ.
Girl goes off to college.
Girl meets more guys than she even thought existed.
Guy cries in his soup.

The other problem is that Canada is probably one of the most multi-cultural countries on the planet, so if you thought that all the other students over here would be white trailer trash like myself, and there'd be no tall, dark & handsome boys from the Philippines (or any other corner of the world for that matter) to sweep your girl off her feet...well, there's plenty. Add to that, the sophistication of living in a multi-cultural city like Toronto, Vancouver or Moose Jaw, and I'll be surprised if she remembers your name in 6 months.

Okay, now that I've crushed your heart worse than a run-away bulldozer
in a school yard, there is still hope. Tell your girlfriend that she can have as many new friends as she likes as long as they stay just friends, and that you trust her judgment. Tell her you love her and that you can't wait until the next time you see her.

Then cross your fingers




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