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Should I Get Lipo Even Though My Husband Disapproves?

My husband and I have been happily married for 12 years. At the beginning, we both purchased Whole Life Insurance (the kind that "earns" value, even while you are living that may be borrowed against, or withdrawn at the termination of the policy). Recently my husband determined that we had plenty of life insurance and terminated his Whole Life policy. He spent the value it had accrued on debt reduction. At the time it was near my birthday and I was considering purchasing a new (and quite expensive,) car. He told me that I could terminate my Whole Life policy and use the cash value for a down payment. He also threw in $1000 as my birthday gift. After much research and thought I determined that I did not want the car. I spent my birthday money on other things, and only a few weeks later did it occur to me that I might have enough money to pay for a cosmetic procedure (that I have wanted for some time). I made a consultation appointment and was pleased with the information I was given. I then came home, cooked dinner, poured my spouse a glass of wine and let him mellow a bit before I broached the subject of liposuction. He virtually exploded in anger. He raised his voice considerably and stomped around the house for hours, even waking me up later to tell me how much he hated the idea in no uncertain terms. I'm not overweight. I work out everyday and I am very carful about my diet. But, since I was little, I have carried weight around my thighs that I cannot seem to get rid of, and detest. He has always known that I wanted liposuction, but the money was never readily available (outside of accruing more debt). It is now 2 weeks later. He still HATES the idea but has told me that it's my body. He has also made it clear that the moment I decided not to buy the car, he, in his own mind, used MY cash out to pay down our debt. We do have quite a bit of debt. (Which I contribute a portion of my income to, to help pay off every month.) We also live very comfortably while paying it off. I have an appointment to meet the surgeon next week and discuss the details further. My husband is angry. He feels that we both worked to amass the debt, we should both pay it off when we can. I say I can't understand why it was ok for me to consider purchasing a $55,000 car with only $5,000 to put down, and not ok to pay for a surgery I've wanted forever, while incurring no new debt. Help! Am I so selfish? Or, because I paid the premiums on my Whole Life policy, is it ok for me to do what I please with the cash out? I hate doing anything without my husbands support, but, he WILL NEVER SUPPORT this. So waiting him out is not an option. I really respect your opinions, please give me some insight into my man, and tell me what to do!

Thunder Thighs




Wendy's advice

Since your husband had no issues with you going into more debt to buy a car, it sounds a lot like his reaction is not so much about reducing the debt, but about your desire to undergo a cosmetic procedure. He clearly doesn't believe that you need it, and is perhaps upset and concerned about your reasons for wanting to do it. This tells me that he loves you, loves your body as it is, and wants you to feel good about yourself without having to go under the knife. I would try to keep this in mind when working through this issue with him. Instead of trying to convince him of why you want to have liposuction, ask him to calmly explain to you all of his reasons for not wanting you to have it, and listen without interrupting or trying to argue your case. When he's had his say, tell him that you are not promising to forget about the procedure because it is something that's been important to you for a long time, but that you'll give his arguments serious consideration. Then do it--really consider everything he's said and whether his feelings warrant your giving this decision a second thought. Whether or not you choose to go ahead and have liposuction is a completely personal choice, but I would suggest at least stopping to consider what it is that's motivating you to do something that many of us would consider pretty drastic. The fact that you're calling yourself "Thunder Thighs" indicates that you're blessed with a great sense of humour, but also possibly suffering from a lack of self-esteem. If this is the case, please consider focussing on fixing that problem first.




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