Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

Should I Plan My Future Around Him?

I'm 18 and my boyfriend lives in Ohio, I live in Colorado. Our plan from
the beginging was me move to Ohio the 27th of October, but now that it's
getting closer, I don't want to do it at all. I'm not ready to move. I'm
only 18, I know nothing about the real world. His parents bought us a house and I feel obligated to move there and live in it with my boyfriend and pay all the bills for it. I told my boyfriend how I felt and he isn't liking my idea at all. I think that he should move here and we can live here for awhile and then move to Ohio when were ready. Oh did I mention that I just got offered an assistant manager job and I would be getting paid way more than I am right now. So that's another hard part. I don't want to loose him and I'm afraid that I'm heading down that path... I have to think about my future too because what if he isn't in it later? I can't just plan my whole future around him and if we break up then I'll be screwed. I don't know... I need advice. please help me - thanks.

Tina



Erin's advice

Dear Tina,
It's obvious that you feel confused. To an outsider though, it's obvious what your feelings are, and where they're headed. You clearly state "I don't want to do it at all", and you also write, "I have to think about my future too because what if he isn't in it later?". Sometimes when we're in the middle of a tough decision, our hearts and our heads are at war with each other. We know things are going to change, and while part of us tries to hold on to what we know, part of us knows we just can't. In this case, I truly believe you need to follow your heart, which is telling you - SLOW DOWN. You CANNOT make a huge life decision based on what "other" people want, because it will only get you into trouble later on. And, it's not fair to anyone involved, most of all you! You're 18, and you're absolutely right - you know nothing about the real world - that's what your 20s are for! You must go out and explore your options, whether it's your career, relationships - it doesn't matter - you're not fully developed yet as a human being. It's wonderful that you've recognized this before it's too late! You've talked this over with your boyfriend - another good decision by you. Don't worry about what his parents think - that's not your problem. You didn't force them to buy the house, and honestly, I'm sure they actually bought it for their son, not for you. Take some time to yourself. Really sit down and figure out what you want to do for say, the next 6 months. Don't worry about anything beyond that because at your age, things can and will change rapidly. If you want to stay in Colorado, then stay in Colorado. If your boyfriend really loves you and you BOTH want to work it out (and you need to really figure out if you want to continue with this relationship), then you'll find a way. But do not rush things. You have to feel confident enough in your decisions to be able to fully realize your goals. If you're not sure yet, then do everyone a favour and take the time to figure it out. You deserve that much, and you also owe that much to the people in your life, to be sure of yourself before involving them.



Add comment