Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

Should I tell her I like her as more than a friend?

I am a guy with a female friend who I have been great friends with for over a year. We've just been friends but now I have feelings for her but I don't know if she has feelings for me; and i don't want to lose the friendship....what should i do?

Confused




Mark's advice

Good God, man. Run for the hills. Run as fast as you can and don't look back!!!
Sorry, I was just playing you. Okay, how about this. Pour your heart out to her. Tell her your love has no bounds and that she is the beat in your heartbeat. Cry like a baby in her arms and let her dry your tears with her kisses!!! You're not buying this one either, are you? Okay, third one's a charmer. Tell her you think you might have extra feeling for her, but you're not really sure. Tell her she's your best friend but sometimes you wonder what it would be like if it went further. Ask her if she thinks you sound like an idiot. If she does have greater feelings for you, she'll probably hum and haw about sort of maybe feeling the same way. If you are only friends in her eyes, she'll tell you, that you are an idiot and quickly change the subject. As long as you don't bring it up again, she may be okay with it. You can later say it's been a while since your last relationship, you were having a moment of desperation, and that your best friend was starting to look pretty good. Good thing your best friend isn't a guy.
(Uh, not that there's anything wrong with that)

Sophie's advice

Dear Confused;
Usually women are pretty clear when they like someone. Here are a few tell-tale signs that a woman might be interested in more than a friendship:
1. Does she flirt with you and touch your arm gently here and there (but not in a buddy-buddy slap-your-back kind of way)?
2. Does she laugh at your jokes even though they're not really that funny?
3. Does she show an interest in your love-life and possibly bad-talk anyone you might be seeing?
In what context do you hang out together - is it always a group of friends or is it one on one time? Do you have a mutual friend that you could ask as to whether or not they think she might be interested? This would need to be someone you were SURE wouldn't betray your confidence - you don't want this getting back to her this way. What is her relationship status? These are all things you need to weigh out and BE SURE of before you make any sort of move. If your friend is not interested in more than a friendship and you bring up your feelings for her, chances are the awkwardness and surprise of the moment might make her so uncomfortable that she feels you can no longer be friends with you on the same level as before; she will always have to keep you at arm's length for fear of leading you on. You will definitely change the dynamic of this relationship once you tell her your feelings, so please be REALLY sure before tell her how you feel.




Add comment

Comments

If you're really really sure that you have feelings for her, then not telling her will mess up the friendship for sure, only in a slow torturing way. So if you're worried that if she says no the friendship won't be as great, guess what, it's just not going to be the same either way. Not to mention, if you have feelings for her and she doesn't, then you could probably benefit from a period of not hanging out with her as much. It's always tough to be into someone who may or may not be into you; so take heart in knowing that it's just a tough place to be, and do what's going to make your mind at ease later on.

mhm


I would suggest talking to her about it. If she feels the same way than great. If she doesn't it will be awkward for some time. This awkwardness will put some distance between you, but at that point in time you would want some distance so you can work on moving past those feelings. I have been through the exact same thing and now I have completely moved past her and am dating someone else.

G