Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

What Gives?

Hi Mark and Sophie,
I hope you have an answer to this question. This has happened to me twice so far - and it bothers me, as I can't figure out why. I dated a couple of guys last year - but after the third date, they didn't call. I didn't call them either - I don't want to chase anyone if they're not interested. However, it doesn't make sense that they don't call and I can't figure out why.We did become quite intimate after the third date (in my car), but there was no sex involved. I am what most guys would consider a "good catch" - face, body, education, financial status, good conversation, considerate, etc. - you get the picture... I am not a weirdo - just a plain and normal 'Jane' like everyone else. But I am not the best kisser - could this be the reason??
Thanks,
Plain & Simple Jane




Mark's advice

Oh, come on Jane,

You can't be that bad a kisser. And as a typical guy, I wouldn't dump you for having lack-lustre lips, however, you've come to the right place. I am the King of Kissing (just ask my first cousin).

One of the biggest problems people have while locking lips is they try too hard. Your lips should be relaxed, loose, exploring.

Here's a sure fire way to make a guy want to neck with you, even if you're a crappy kisser. Run your fingers through his hair while you're necking. You'll drive him mad.

Sophie's advice

Dear Plain & Simple Jane,

Simply, if the guys didn't call, they were just not that into you. Doesn't mean it was something you did or didn't do, they just weren't into you enough, plain and simple (pun intended). And so what if these two were were not interested enough? Two bad apples do not spoil the whole bunch. Of course, it is always good and important to reflect on your part of when things go right or wrong and to learn from them. I am not saying stick your head in the sand and pretend it is "always everybody else", but your e-mail more conveys someone who blames themselves but who doesn't have enough information to really go on. The fact that you would even mention that you are "not a weirdo", shows me that you are feeling judged like you are and maybe questioning it yourself a bit, possibly because of these two experiences, and you shouldn't. With your next date(s), please do not get caught up in what you think you should do so they will call you after the third date. Do what is and feels right to you and if you are with the right person, he will like and respect you for being true to yourself.

About the kissing- being a self-proclaimed good (okay great) kisser, I am curious about the comment you made about not being the best kisser. How do you know this? Do you like kissing? Is your breath clean? What is the problem? A bad kiss can involve bad breath, too much saliva, not enough or too much tongue, no teamwork or cooperation from your kissing partner, and a mind which is wondering elsewhere besides simply enjoying the kiss and the moment.
All of those things can be worked on, and you should, there is no reason you should be (or perceive yourself to be) a bad kisser.




Add comment