Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

What if the baby's mine?

I recently read from an online posting that my ex-girlfriend has married and moved in with another man. I read in the same posting that she and her new husband have a new baby boy. The problem is that, according to the age given for the boy in the posting, conception probably occurred when she and I were still together. We were having unprotected sex at that time (I was told she was on birth control), and to the best of my knowledge, she wasn't simultaneously involved with the man she ended up marrying, or anybody else. Our break up went very, very badly. As a result she and I are not on speaking terms anymore. Additionally, I have moved to another city, further separating our lives. However, I feel like I need to talk to her to make sure the baby is not mine before I can move on. I don't know whether to contact her or not. On the one hand logic tells me that there is a good chance the child is mine. On the other hand, I can't imagine that she would have never contacted me if she had become pregnant, or that her new husband would somehow be okay with it all. Timing wise, there's about a month or two buffer before the end of our relationship for conception. There's just so many things, I don't know what to do. Please help.

Mike




Wendy's advice

Your first step here is to contact your ex and attempt to have a calm conversation with her about this. Keep it as emotion-free as you can so as not to cloud the issue with an argument, and don't be accusatory. Tell her the age she's given for her child has left you with some questions as to when the child was conceived and that you need to be sure the baby isn't yours. If she doesn't have a good explanation, or is unable to convince you that the child is not yours, you need to decide whether you want to pursue it further. Fathers do have rights and you have the option to seek legal advice, so if you feel the child could be yours, and you want a relationship with this child if it is yours, you should speak with a lawyer who specializes in this area. Do try to keep in mind though that there could be another explanation, and always remember that the most important person in all this is the child. What's best for him should be everyone's top priority.




Add comment