Ask Advice 
Article Archive 

Who Should Pay?

Recently I went on what I thought was a date with a guy that I had met at a singles event. He asked for my number, contacted me, asked when I was available, picked the restaurant (without any real input from me), and made the reservations.

At dinner we had a good time, and seemed to be really connecting. He even suggested a wine that we ended up sharing. When the bill came, he looked at it and said, "It is about $100, so yours is $40, and mine is $60 because I ate more".

I was honestly shocked at the request, pulled out my wallet (luckily I had been the the atm), and paid my "share" of dinner. Afterwards, he walked me to my car, and said goodnight with a hug and a kiss (on the cheek).

Should I be shocked that he expeced me to pay? And how should I of handled it? It is not that the place was expensive, but my theory is that if you ask, you pay!

Mark's advice

Oh, I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to say that?
Come on. The guy asks you out. The guy picks
the restaurant. And he gives you no warning.
Hey, I'm a guy, and I'm cheap.
How cheap am I, you ask?
I'm so cheap, I charge my dog room and board.
I'm so cheap, I asked for Air-Miles on my tax return.
I'm so cheap, I try and pass off expired vegetables in my kids dinner as cream corn and mushy peas.
And I'm still not as bad as that guy.
I wouldn't do that.
If he was short of cash, he should have asked to go Dutch. He may not be male chauvinist, but he is a creep. You know it and I know it.
Hell, we all know it now.
Dump him now, before you get involved.

Sophie's advice

I think with the way times have changed and the role women play in society now as compared to before, there are some issues that have got confused by both men and women.

I agree with you completely, when a man asks a woman out for their first date, and he picks the restaurant on top of that (without any input) he should indeed pay and he would have been a smart man to do so. Women, including strong independent women, still appreciate a man who can hold their own and who can take care of business and the woman they are with. Now, having said that, a man should keep in mind the fact that if he asks a woman out for a date and he is therefore paying, that there is nothing wrong with meeting for a coffee or at an inexpensive restaurant with that in mind. After all, this is a chance for you to get to know each other better and an inexpensive restaurant is not going to ruin that, unless the woman is more interested in money than anything else. I think you did the right thing by handling it the way you did. The incident told you some things that might be good to know.

Should you not return his call when he calls? No, if he still interests you, I would give it another chance and prepare to go Dutch next time too. Perhaps his dating etiquette in this case could use improvement, and definitely do not ignore it as a sign, but give it another chance when he calls.

Add comment