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Why Am I Only Getting the First Date?

I'm going to try and state the facts as honestly as possible. I am a 21 year old male. I am very aware that I am well above average looking. I'm 6'2 180lbs, basically tall dark and handsome. There's no way to say that without sounding conceited, which I am not, I am just aware of my looks. I consider myself intelligent, I follow politics, I pay attention to current events, I am well read. I'm into all the arts, etc.

And I can't find success with women to save my life. I'm very, very shy, so meeting women and asking them out is hard enough as it is. But I am also very picky. It is so hard to find a smart, pretty woman who is into the arts. Two out of three is actually pretty rare in my experience. In recent weeks I have tried my luck meeting women on the Internet. After scanning dozens of profiles I found exactly one that interested me. I sent her a message and we started chatting back and forth. She and I had absolutely everything in common, and I mean everything. We had several long conversation on line before we agreed to meet for coffee. Out coffee date when very well from what I can tell, two people talking and laughing for nearly two hours, with a couple of cups of cold Mocha sitting next to us at the end of it. She agreed to see me again at the end of the date.

And that was the last time I heard from her. I waited three days before making contact again. I then called her and got her voice mail and just left a quick message to call me back. There was no response after a day, so I sent and email telling her I had had a good time, etc, I kept it light and casual. It's been several days and she has not responded. I don't want to make contact again for fear of looking desperate. But I don't understand why she behaved so positively towards me when we ended out coffee date, and then promptly cut off all contact. This is not the first time this has happened to me, and I am at a loss as to what I am doing wrong.

Please help.



Mark's advice

Can you say conceited?
Sure, I knew that you could.
There's no way around this one bud. If you were anymore full of yourself, you'd explode. There is conceit oozing between every line of your letter and I'll bet every pore in your body. If I were walking behind you, I'd slip and fall in the big puddle of conceit you left behind. Guys like us just love guys like you, because after an hour or so having to listen to how perfect you are, women start to see us bottom feeders in a much more favourable light. Did the women you went out with manage to get a word in edge-wise, or were you too busy dazzling them with your vast knowledge of everything and everybody? You think I'm picking on you, don't you? How many women do you know, want to go out with someone who thinks they're superior to 99% of the worlds population? Yah, like no one. I could spend the next 16 pages cutting you to ribbons, or I could help you. After all, this is an advice column. Okay. I want you to pretend you're ugly. I'm not joking. Treat everyone you meet as your equal or your better. Treat the next women you go out with as though she's too good-looking for you, and let her know it. Listen to what see has to say, and consider her view equal to yours. You talk 25% of the time and let her talk 75% of the time. Try putting yourself down once in a while, and don't bother impressing her with infinite wisdom. A story about something you did that was silly or stupid goes a lot further than a story about one of your great conquests. If you catch yourself in mid-boast, just say you're boasting, 'cause normally things aren't that great. Do all these things, and then I want you to get back to us and tell us how it went. Seriously. Or you can go on your lonely way thinking you are far too perfect to listen to some average-looking 2-bit columnist tell you what to do.
Well, this average-looking 2-bit columnist is not lonely.

Sophie's advice

There are so many reasons this can happen, sometimes you are just left scratching your head and have to write it off to "it wasn't meant to be" and move on. I would not contact her again. If, as you mentioned, this happens to you more often than not, then it is indeed time to take a look at yourself and see why this might be the case.
I think you may have a bit of an attitude and though confidence is good, arrogance is not. Hey, we're all people, and what looks great to one person, does not work for another at all, so it is good to have a sense of modesty about yourself.

Are you looking for the right type of woman for you? The right type of woman is not necessarily someone with whom you have lots in common. Of course there needs to be a commonality in your values and morals, but when it comes to different things you are into, sometimes it is nice to meet someone who can introduce you to new things and visa versa.
You mention you are shy, and that is perfectly fine, though I would advise for you to do more things that take you out of your comfort zone and push those boundaries a bit so you can get over some.
How else are you meeting women? Sometimes there can be a connection with someone you meet on-line, but then when you meet there is simply no chemistry. Are you involving yourself in any social groups/activities, such as joining a volley ball team, or going speed dating or going on some singles adventures?
Is there anything else about you that you think you can improve upon? It never hurts to work on yourself. You are still young and especially now, this is a time of self-reflection and growth. Don't get too down about the fact that you haven't found someone at this time you would like to date, or who would like to date you. Just go out there and have fun and be the best you can be and relax in knowing that if you do all that, the right one will come along.



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