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Why Can't Men Commit?

I have been doing the online dating for a year now and haven't met anyone who can make up their minds after a few dates to date exclusively..the attraction will be there, great conversation, mutual interest in each other, but somehow, the guys always end up going online almost every night and even right after a good date (with another date already set for the following weekend)..they say they are looking for long term and wants to get serious and tell me that they really like me and attracted to what gives? I am not looking for a committment right away, I just want to date 1 guy at a time and get to know him and building a trust and if it doesn't work out, go back to online I the one who is wrong?

ms. JB

Mark's advice

Well JB, men are pigs!
Hey, I admit it. I think about women and sex and more sex at least 20 or 30 times a day. But that's normal, isn't it? After seeing how successful internet dating has become, I figured it was just a matter of time before I received a letter like yours. I have a friend who's single, in their mid-thirties, and has been doing the internet dating thing for a year or so. Difference is, he's a guy.
And all I've heard is how he met this girl last week and how he's got another girl this week, and the girl he went out with last month called him up again and yadda, yadda, yadda. I guess this is sounding familiar. Most guys are shy and don't like to approach strange women in a bar, so to them, internet dating is like being a kid in a candy store. So many few Saturday nights.
Okay, there is hope. My friend is finally getting bored with hopping from girl to girl and wants to find someone more permanent. No, I'm not trying to set you up with him. It's just that I think you'll find most guys want to find a long steady relationship after they've sown their wild oats. You just have to meet someone who's wild oats are just about sown. It just may require a littl searching.
My suggestion is to keep dating until you find that guy with his oats all sown up, and grab onto him before
someone else does. And if that fails, there's always my friend in his mid-thirties.

Sophie's advice

Dear Ms. JB,
There are many ways through which to meet wonderful single people, and on-line is just one of the many ways, and it can be very successful. I am wondering though if you also meet men through different means and if not, why not? There are many pros and cons to on-line dating. Some of the pros? You can look at a lot of different people and get pretty specific as to who you would like to get to know better. It is a safe way to go through your options, behind your computer, and you don't really have to put yourself out there too much. You can be introduced to people you might otherwise never meet. Some of the cons? Chemistry is very important and you don't know that until you meet and you may have spent a lot of time communicating before you find that out. Some people you will meet on-line have unrealistic expectations of who they would like to be with and no one seems to measure up. Some daters are on-line because they are afraid to get out there and meet people face to face. I would strongly suggest you try some different means also. Ask your friends to set you up on some blind dates, attend some singles parties, try speed dating, go on some singles adventures, you name it, try it.

It sounds like the men you are meeting might not be looking for the same thing as you are. Having said that though, should exclusivity be expected so soon? Dating is a time for you to explore different opportunities and it doesn't have to be an exclusive dating situation right away. Why not take some time to get to just check out your options? Men do tend to also be more attracted and more interested to commit to a woman when they know they are with a woman who chose them because they got to know them (and others) and liked THEM, not because they just really wanted to commit. You are not wrong though in wanting to be exclusive with a special someone (your approach just might need to be tweaked a bit) and if after numerous dates your date gets on-line again after a good date with you, let them know you'll be going off on some other dates yourself (and do!). It will help clarify things for him and he is either going to want to step up to the plate with you, or not.

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