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Why Do I Need Approval?

I can't accept the fact that people come and go in life and that some people don't like me. I'm always striving to be liked and I think this could be down to my own family never having much intrest in me unless I've got a new job or something like that, but never listen to me when I just want to talk. I was also bullied and a bit of a loner at school, I had "friends", but they were only people I just hung about with.

I struggle to let go of the people who are actually what I could call friends, one being a cousin, and several being college friends. Problem is my cousin lives miles away and has his own life and my friends have moved on with life. I have too physically, but I get really worked up sometimes when I realise that things aren't the same.

I dont know why I do this still, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years and a few good friends, but these friends have their own friends who they spend more time with because I'm always working. I'm also pretty popular with people at work, but for some reason thats not enough for me.

I know what I need to do, and thats move on totally and make more of an effort with the friends I have now and my boyfriend, but for some reason my mind wont let me, and its really getting me down.

Need Approval




Erin's advice

It sounds like you are holding onto events from your childhood and letting them control you as an adult. When we don't get paid the attention we need, or we don't feel important as children, we suffer from low self-esteem. We then attach the same meaning and emotions that we had in the past to experiences we now have in the present. Usually, our feelings are out of proportion to what's actually happening in the present, but we are triggered to feel the same way we did as kids. It's time for you to dig deep into your childhood and acknowledge how your family's behaviour affected you as a child. Let yourself feel the hurt and pain instead of pushing it down, which makes it manifest in unhealthy ways for you now. Are you able to talk to your family about it? It may be that they didn't even realize how it affected you, and it will help for them to know. If they aren't interested in your feelings, you need to recognize that you are no longer that lonely child - look around you! You said it yourself, you have a wonderful boyfriend in your life and a few good friends. Your need for approval is really your need for approval from when you were a kid - you don't need anyone's approval anymore except your own. Work on loving yourself - that is all you need to be happy.




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