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Why Won't My Girlfriend See Me?

Hi there, my problem is not large at all, but I have logically considered
it and tried to help it in many ways, alas no effect. My long-term (few years) girlfriend (what you would consider a wife) won't
see me anymore. We talk online all the time, as we always have, but a month ago she came out with something, which she thought I'd hate and would ruin our relationship, but it wasn't a big deal at all and she'd just built it up in her head. Regardless of the magnitude, the discussion was heated in an... unrequired magnitude (admittedly both our faults). We got over it easily, but about a happy month later she said
'I love you, but I just want to be alone. You don't understand it'
Yeah, I didn't. I'd think that IF you love someone, you'd want to be with
them! Anyway, I agreed to trying a break but very quickly we released that there was no reason NOT to be together if we were in love (what a surprise). Since this though, and here is the actual "problem," we haven't met up for approximately a month and a bit. Still talk online all the time, though she often doesn't inform me of what is going on with her. It is suspicious and I can imagine as a reader of this you might think 'maybe she is slowly phasing you out because she doesn't want to be with you' or something worse, but I have complete trust that this is not the case. I often try to arrange ways to meet up, but there is always a reason she can't go. As you can see it is a small problem, very small, and I appreciate how lucky I am to not have something worse. Someone wrote that an essential part of love is communication and being
contactable. That is fading. I don't know why. I just want to be with her
and remind her how much we enjoy each others' company. If someone read this, thank you for your time.

Some Guy




Erin's advice

Let's look at the facts. Your girlfriend has initiated a separation. Regardless of why, or what the catalyst was which brought it about, she's been very clear through her actions, about the fact that she needs space from you. Your immediate reaction is that you just want things to stay the same, which is understandable, as humans can have a really hard time adjusting to change.

The fact is though, she's changing and your relationship has also changed - for better or worse. You have been convincing yourself for a month and a half, that because you're talking online all the time (like you always have), that things are manageable. Now you're realizing something isn't quite right... You feel you've given her the space she asked for, so why doesn't she want to see you? The reason is - because she doesn't want to see you.

It appears to me, she wants the best of both worlds. She wants the emotional comfort of you being there for her (which you're giving her), without offering much to you in return, except confusion. If she truly needs a break to sort things out, which is very clear, then the two of you need to stop talking so she can get her head together and decide one way or another. And you need to realize you can exist without her, as painful as that might seem - no matter what her final decision is.

Take this time to re-evaluate yourself and your life. If you continue to coddle her, you're going to turn into just her friend - which isn't such a terrible thing in the grand scheme of things, but I'm pretty sure it's not what you want. Figure out what you want out of this relationship, and if it's not working, then admit it to yourself.




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